There’s no one-size-fits-all experience when it comes to pregnancy, and some women face more severe challenges than others—like Sam Doll.
The 32-year-old recently turned to TikTok (@sam_d0ll) to share her “darkest thoughts” about pregnancy after months of battling severe nausea and vomiting, which has left her bedridden.
In a December 4 TikTok clip, which has amassed over 187,000 views, Doll rated pregnancy as a zero out of 10.
She told Newsweek: “I feel like a shell of a human.”
TikTok/@sam_d0ll
During the viral video, Doll says: “The only positive about it is that I am pregnant,” and acknowledges how devastating losing a baby can be but said that beyond that, she couldn’t “list another good thing about this experience.”
Six months ago, Doll experienced a miscarriage—the most common pregnancy complication in the United States, affecting 15–20 percent of clinically recognized pregnancies each year. Now, at 19 weeks pregnant, she has only recently been able to leave the house.
She described the relentless symptoms to Newsweek, which include constant nausea and extreme exhaustion.
“I have felt like garbage for way longer than I thought I would,” she said.
Her struggle is not uncommon. Research shows that 70–80 percent of pregnant women experience nausea and vomiting of pregnancy (NVP), affecting around 4 million women annually in the United States and 350,000 in Canada. But knowing she’s not alone hasn’t made things any easier for Doll.
In the video, she revealed it was 3 p.m. when she finally got out of bed, comparing pregnancy to living with a parasite or a tapeworm. However, it’s not just the physical sickness that’s taking a toll—it’s also the emotional disconnect she feels from her baby.
Doll shared that she can’t picture the baby as her own and instead imagines other people’s children as hers, making it even harder to connect.
“My brain can’t comprehend that this is going to be the greatest love of my life,” she said in the video, questioning when her feelings will change.
Another significant challenge she highlighted is her struggle with identity. Doll noted that her pregnancy has restricted her from many of her usual activities.
“I have experienced depression about not having my old life,” she told Newsweek.
Adding to her frustration, while her pregnant friends said they felt cute, Doll admitted she’s never felt less attractive, confident, or in control in her entire life. These feelings have been exacerbated by her inability to continue working as a bartender.
“I think it’s insane that women aren’t offered paid leave during their first trimester,” she said. “It’s not just a ‘bit of nausea’ for some of us.
“You wouldn’t expect me to go skiing with two broken legs!”
TikTok Reacts
The video that has over 21,000 likes has resonated with many and Doll has been met with an outpouring of support in the comments section.
“You’re saying all the things I was too afraid to say while pregnant…I feel ya! I also don’t care for other people’s kids, but obsessed with my own. I promise it all works out,” reassured one user.
Another wrote: “I had a miscarriage my first pregnancy too [and] never felt connected to the kid really until it was born I think it was a self protection thing since I was so scared I would lose it.”
“I had morning sickness up until I pushed my daughter out, absolutely no one told me that was a possibility,” said a third user.
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
