A toddler grieving the loss of his beloved great-grandpa has made a habit of clinging closely to his great-grandma for the most heartbreaking of reasons.
Kaley, who lives in Arkansas with her three children, always had a close relationship with her grandparents. “Nana and papa raised me,” she told Newsweek. “We would stay with them a lot growing up. I was closest to nana though because she took care of me for the first two years of my life.”
When Kaley became pregnant in college and decided to keep the baby, it was nana and papa who came and got her and helped her raise her daughter before she was able to get a house of her own. “She has always been my safe place,” Kaley said.
Two years ago, when Kaley escaped a violent relationship and moved halfway across the country with her kids until the trial, it was her nana and papa who came to stay with them “so we didn’t have to be alone.”
Sadly, though her grandfather, who was 86, began to struggle with dementia and a returning cancer and they were forced to return home, while nana cared for him. Eventually, Kaley’s ex took a plea deal, and she felt free enough to return home and return the favor by caring for the grandparents that had given so much to her.
It was during this time that JJ, her 22-month-old toddler son, developed the kind of bond with them that Kaley had when she was a child. “Every night JJ would sleep in between them in bed and his bond with them grew closer,” she said.
As time went by, her grandfather’s health began to deteriorate significantly. “Papa lost the ability to walk, talk, and eat on his own about a month ago and had to be put into a nursing home that specializes in dementia,” Kaley said.
Her grandmother “stayed with him every day” but as time went on, it became clear that Papa did not have long left. “I took the kids to say goodbye and a few hours later he passed away in his sleep with nana holding his hand right next to him,” Kaley said.
Kaley can still remember her grandmother returning home in the middle of the night and how she knew this meant her grandpa had passed. That was the moment JJ’s hugs began. “Nana had broken down crying,” Kaley said. “We hugged and then JJ woke up and ran straight to her and hugged her and wouldn’t let go.”
A death in the family can impact young children in a number of ways. Research published in the journal Bereavement: Reactions, Consequences and Care, noted how children often turn to “more primitive defense mechanisms” than adults. For some, it can result in regression while others turn to denial to help cope with the loss.
JJ’s way of dealing with things was to hold on to his great-grandma for dear life. “He cuddles her every night since,” Kaley said. She thinks she has an idea of why JJ has responded in the way he has. In a video posted to her TikTok (@outdoorsysahm) earlier this month, Kaley provided a glimpse of the “celebration of life” the family held to remember Papa. JJ can be seen in the video “clinging” to his great-grandmother. “He won’t let go of her for a second. He’s afraid she’s gonna leave and not come back too,” Kaley said. “He doesn’t understand.”
outdoorsysahm/TikTok
Though it may be heartbreaking on one level, and JJ’s own way of processing what has happened, the close attention he’s given his nana has been welcome.
“Those first few days were really hard on her,” Kaley said. “It was like he just knew because he laid in bed with her all day long when he’s usually really hyper.” The bond between them has grown stronger as a result.
“Nana looked so pale and frail but whenever she would look at JJ he would make her laugh,” Kaley said. “When nana didn’t wanna eat he would bring her food and put it up to her mouth and say, ‘eat eat.’ He’s the one that got her to get out of bed.”
Now they are inseparable. “JJ and nana have always gone on walks and he will sit with her and sip on his milk out of a teacup while she has her morning coffee,” Kaley added. “She likes to let him make messes and then teaches him how to clean up. They’re always getting into paint.”
Kaley’s grandmother is 78, a little younger than her grandfather was, but she still worries. “I’ve heard of elderly people passing away soon after their spouse does and I just don’t want that to happen to her,” she said.
That’s why they have hatched a plan. Kaley will sell her house, her grandmother will sell hers and they will buy somewhere together. That way Kaley can make sure JJ never has to let go of his great-grandma.
“I love that my son has such a strong bond with her because I feel like that’s what is keeping her alive,” she said. “He’s my baby but he’s hers and she needs him.”
