The phrase “cruel to be kind” may spring to mind when reading about a married couple’s argument over timekeeping.
Yesterday (October 7), a 31-year-old man, who goes by u/throwrabbday, shared a Reddit post titled: “AITAH [Am I the A******] for letting my chronically late wife miss an event she was looking forward to by not rushing her because I wanted her to face the consequences?” The post quickly went viral.
Racking up 11,000 upvotes, the man explained that he is “fed up” with his wife’s poor punctuality, which has caused them to be “embarrassingly late” to events.
He wrote: “To her, it seems like no big deal because I always manage to rush her by telling her the time of an event 45 minutes earlier. She’s never noticed because she’s too caught up with herself, constantly taking photos. That’s the reason she’s always late.”
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He explains that she is an aspiring content creator and turns “everything” they do into a photoshoot.
“At this point, I’ve stopped agreeing to take her photos altogether,” he said, adding, “We’ve had several conversations about this. I’ve told her that it’s mentally exhausting for me to always have to stay on top of making sure we both get ready according to plan. But she never really does anything to address it.”
Recently, he decided enough was enough and told her that he would no longer help her manage her time by giving her an early estimated time of arrival.
“I expected her to act like an adult and be more responsible,” he said, adding that it was her birthday this weekend, and they had tickets to an event where her favorite artists were going to perform first.
On the day of the gig, he told her the correct time without “the extra 40-minute buffer.” However, she was not ready.
“Instead, she did her whole influencer routine—decorating our room, setting up studio lights, dressing up, and taking photos. The whole time, I knew she was missing out on her favorite artist because she didn’t take me seriously. It was so ironic that I didn’t even feel like reminding her. I’m done with the mental burden of always rushing and planning,” he said.
When they finally got to the event, she began to cry and remained upset for the rest of the event. She then left the marital home to sleep at her mother’s.
‘The Best Time To Work on a Relationship Is Before It Begins’
Newsweek discussed the post with Mila Smith, a relationship and dating coach, based in Berkshire, England. She explained that lateness can lead to frustration and affect a relationship.
She said: “This is only the case if one of the partner’s personality type is that which is characterized by punctuality, attention to detail and adherence to rules, whereas the other partner is the opposite—clearly the case in this example.
“Studies show that frustration is one of the top reasons which breaks people up: it occurs when our expectations don’t match the reality causing a clash. The husband’s frustration goes even deeper as it includes his wife’s business, which he’s, seemingly, not taking seriously.”
Smith, who owns a relationship coaching business called Single to Couple, said punctuality, or the lack thereof, is just one of the traits this couple shares, suggesting that they likely appreciate other qualities in each other as well.
She told Newsweek via email: “I am convinced that the best time to work on a relationship is before it begins. When we meet a potential new partner we should, ideally, work out what is important to us and what we can’t abide, and consider the long-term implications. It would seem, this never happened for this couple. I see a lot of frustration on both sides due to failed expectations.
“They are together now, and the only way out is a constructive, respectful dialogue. What is important to each side and why? How could they achieve a compromise? It’s an arduous task, but some skills can be developed, at least improved, through repetition as our brains get rewired, but this can only be achieved with a lot of patience over a period of time.”
Reddit Reacts
At the time of publishing, the post had 3,300 comments and the top one alone has 8,100 upvotes.
It said: “NTAH [Not the A******]. This would infuriate me, and I wouldn’t have put up with it as long as you did. She’s an adult; she can figure it out if it’s important to her.”
Another user asked: “NTA, but how did it get as far as five years married? I wouldn’t go past the third date for someone who didn’t value my time as well as anyone else’s.”
Newsweek could not verify the details as the u/throwrabbday account has been suspended.
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