8.
“Online dating has been disheartening, to say the least, but I hope others will read this, connect, and maybe have clearer intentions and more confidence before entering the game.
“I used Hinge. My friends (men and women) told me that’s where the serious potential partners were. I read each profile before swiping, and the women I matched with ‘checked all the boxes’: kind, well-educated, independent, ambitious, and adventurous. After two months, I had over 70 matches (a great boost for my self-esteem). But of that number, only about half of the conversations went anywhere past one or two texts. Usually, I’d ask a question and be left to read. I offered first dates to 20 (and I’m talking simple first dates, like dinner, coffee, or a walk in the park.) Three asked for rain checks but never followed up, two said yes but flaked before the date, and six stopped texting altogether. That left nine first dates. They were all nice women, but most lacked any previous dating experience. It’s not like that’s a prerequisite —I’ve just found my self-awareness and expectations were very different after some long-term dating. I saw two of the matches for a while until it was clear that our long-term values didn’t match (and it was the same issue: I want kids someday vs. she wanted no kids whatsoever). We ended things amicably. All in all, I’m not upset with the women I dated. Rather, it’s the ones who made no effort after matching on a dating app. If you’re not really going to meet me, why did we match? Better yet, why are we still talking? Why are you here if you don’t want to go out? No one likes these apps. So let’s meet in person to determine if we want to be together. But the Hinge penpal game is such a waste of time and energy. I don’t think it’s a gender issue, either —sometimes I feel like my age group has learned to live their lives on the sidelines. “Situationships” and nonconfrontation are the rule, not the exception. Meeting in person makes it “real”, but isn’t that what we came here for anyway?”
—Anonymous, 24
