A father’s decision to forgo a family vacation unless his daughter’s teenage bully were to be disinvited has received an army of support on Reddit
The dilemma was outlined in a viral Reddit post shared by user Natural-Mountain-641. The post has garnered over 22,000 upvotes and thousands of comments since it was shared on December 2.
The father, a 43-year-old single parent, described the annual vacation tradition with his extended family. While he values the trips, his daughter Emily, 15, refused to attend this year’s gathering upon learning that Jeff, a 16-year-old boy who has bullied her for years, was invited. Jeff is the best friend of the father’s nephew and a frequent presence in the family circle.
The father expressed his dismay upon discovering Jeff would join the trip. “I told [my sister], admittedly without thinking, that we weren’t going,” he wrote. He later clarified his stance, stating that he would attend only if Jeff were disinvited.
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Was the father overreacting by refusing to join the trip?
Kimberly Williams, a pediatric clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist, supported the father’s decision, highlighting his obligation to safeguard Emily from harm. Williams told Newsweek: “It is absolutely his obligation to keep his daughter safe; it is his job to protect his child physically and emotionally.”
According to an October 2024 report from the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) published by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), from July 2021 to December 2023, around one-third (34 percent) of teenagers aged 12 to 17 had been bullied in the past 12 months.
The percentage of teenagers who were bullied in the past 12 months was higher among girls (38.3 percent) compared with boys (29.9 percent), the NCHS report found.
‘She Had a Full-Blown Panic Attack’
In the viral Reddit post, the father recounted years of relentless bullying Emily endured at Jeff’s hands, including name-calling, destruction of personal belongings, and physical altercations. “He pulls her hair, rips her clothes, destroys her things,” he wrote. “This kid is a full-fledged nightmare.” The bullying escalated to a fistfight after Jeff stole Emily’s backpack and threw it into a toilet, resulting in suspensions for both teens.
The poster said “My daughter told me she’s not going if Jeff is going. She had a full-blown panic attack over it.”
The father’s decision has caused a rift within the family. While some members back his stance, others argue that Jeff’s challenging upbringing should be considered.
The father acknowledged Jeff’s unstable home life, citing past interactions with his parents as evidence of neglect. “His father did not care, and his mother blamed my daughter for being evil,” he wrote. Although sympathizing with Jeff’s circumstances, the dad maintained that Emily’s safety must come first.
Despite pleas from family members, including his parents, the poster stood firm, emphasizing his responsibility to protect Emily’s emotional well-being. “Why does that mean I have to put my daughter in a house with her tormentor for two weeks?” he asked.
Maintain Clear Boundaries
Williams advised the father to maintain clear boundaries with his family. “He does not have to respond to any other inquiries about his decision,” she said. “Protecting offspring from injury and harm is always going to supersede keeping up with appearances just based on tradition.” She warned that reversing his decision could invalidate Emily’s feelings and damage their relationship.
Jeanne Cross, owner and licensed therapist at the EMDR Center of Denver, also endorsed the father’s actions, emphasizing the importance of shielding children from situations that threaten their mental health.
Cross told Newsweek: “The level of distress described, including a panic attack, underscores the profound impact this boy’s behavior has had on her.”
While Cross acknowledged the family’s desire to support Jeff, she criticized the decision to include him at Emily’s expense. “It is unreasonable to do so at the expense of another child’s safety and emotional health,” she said.
Cross suggested the family explore alternative ways to support Jeff, such as involving him in separate gatherings or providing assistance outside of the trip context.
‘Stick to Your Stance’
The Reddit community largely supported the father’s actions, with many commenters praising him for prioritizing his daughter’s needs.
Grn_Fey said: “Absolutely do NOT go. Can’t imagine putting my kid in that position for hours and hours at a time with a tormentor for two weeks. That would be emotionally and potentially physically neglectful as a parent…”
ImportantLog2 wrote: “Stick to your stance. Jeff is not your responsibility, and asking you to sacrifice your daughter’s mental well-being for a child who has repeatedly tormented her is downright cruel…”
RefrigeratorCold296 noted that Jeff’s “situation may be an explanation for his behavior, but it is no excuse. He knows what he is doing is wrong and your daughter should not have to grin and bear it just because your relatives are giving him a pity vacation.”
Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system.
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