6.
“He didn’t physically cheat, but I found out he had a porn addiction and had been buying content from women he went to school with. It was devastating. I cried the way you would cry for a close family member dying. We’d had the perfect day the day before I found out. I thought our relationship was perfect — he was always kind, reassuring, and patient. We never argued. When we got together, he unfollowed girls he didn’t know on Instagram, would comment on all of my posts and like them. He even got my name tattooed on his throat (his idea). I fully believed he didn’t check other women out, let alone have a porn problem. The only problem in our relationship that I was aware of was our sex life, but I chalked that up to him having a lower sex-drive than me.”
“When I found out, he didn’t deny it — he took full accountability. He said he’d go to therapy, get a flip phone, and have a joint bank account. I wanted to break up with him, but how can you go from being so happy one day to devastated to being betrayed the next? It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through.
It’s been nine months since I found out, and he’s had one ‘relapse’ that I know of. We both go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings and have sponsors (on top of quitting porn, I decided we both needed to quit smoking weed and drinking).
We do couples therapy now, and I do solo therapy and NA, like I said. Surprisingly, I feel our relationship has become better in a lot of ways. To know everything about one another (the good AND the bad). I sometimes still think I’m a ‘weak’ woman for staying, but the truth is, I’m really strong. It’s harder to stay than it is to leave.
When you do the research on porn addiction and the shame surrounding it, it helps. I’ve never seen it as a problem of me not being enough because I know that I am. His addiction to porn has nothing to do with me. I can’t help but look at his inner child and believe he is capable of change.
His desire to change is the biggest thing. He was somewhat in denial at the beginning of how much of a problem it all was, but he has come a long way. Most men would say, ‘Every guy does it, you’re insecure, why would you go through my phone?’ etc. — but he didn’t. He said, ‘I’ll get help.'”
—u/Big-Percentage1286
