1.
The person who will henceforth be known as “Suburban Hulk”:
2.
The person who got the inside of their car detailed for FREE:
3.
The person who is getting ready to shave their entire bathroom:
4.
The person whose truck is going to be a major factory at the LA Olympics in 2028:
5.
The person who might want to flee the country:
6.
The person whose car is for the birds:
7.
The person whose oven has transcended space and time:
8.
The person who made this year’s hottest and trendiest food:
9.
The person who left a fun trail back to the grocery store:
10.
The person whose fan fell ferociously from up high:
11.
The person whose rear-end I am currently lighting a candle for:
12.
The person who did not, in fact, scooch by:
13.
The person whose toilet perished tragically:
14.
The person whose car got a fresh, nice coat of paint:
15.
The person who’s trapped in some sort of evil-Ratatouille situation:
16.
The person who will now always be listening to music:
17.
The person whose shake went boom:
18.
The person who gave their mouse a good ‘n’ proper goopin’:
19.
The person who was kind enough to share some dental hygiene tips with their cat:
20.
The person whose neighbors never let the party die:
21.
The person whose shirt galavanted off to a magical land:
22.
The person who successfully decanted a diaper:
23.
The person who had to yabba dabba doo this car to work:
24.
The person who just drank the Prometheus goo:
25.
The person who made a bunch of new friends today:
26.
The person who Weezer would be ashamed of:
27.
The person whose waffle has seen things… terrible things:
28.
The person whose washing machine is up to some shady stuff behind closed doors:
29.
The person whose straw is an apt metaphor for their entire life:
30.
The person who will never be comfortable pumpin’ ever again:
31.
The person whose bacon is approximately 97.85% fat:
32.
The person who found the world’s strongest carrot, the likes of which no man shall ever wield:
33.
The person who is currently being sonned by a fruit fly:
34.
The person who is currently losing the war against the machines:
35.
The person who loves their cat very much, I’m sure:
36.
The person who got hotboxed by dirty, old sandal:
37.
The person whose PS5 might need a light cleaning:
38.
The person who had a nightmare in their pants:
39.
The person who experienced true tragedy:
40.
The person whose laptop looks absolutely delicious now:
41.
The person who now must go on a hero’s journey to retrieve their TP:
42.
The person who’s going to need a chisel to get a pill:
43.
The person who got some great Dali-inspired kitchenware:
44.
The person who just lived every gym-goer’s worst nightmare:
45.
The person whose jelly-filled donut was an absolute affront to all things good and jam filled:
46.
The person whose coat hanger had a bit of an accident:
47.
The person who just hooked a tree up with the ride of a lifetime:
48.
The person who knows nothing but sadness lies beneath this bowl:
49.
The person whose cookies are simply unrecognizable:
50.
The person whose entire world came crashing down:
51.
The person who had a very special flavor of syrup:
52.
The person who learned a lesson as old as time:
53.
The person whose car just got destroyed:
54.
The person whose railing went absolutely nuclear:
55.
And the person whose apple is quite literally rotten to the core:
