1.
“We’ve been married for 19 years, and it’s quite miserable now. The first decade was great — the ‘newness’ of the marriage and kids coming into the picture. It was great until it wasn’t. We had three kids under the age of five, and he was in the army. It was very hard for me to be able to prioritize EVERYONE. As a wife and a mom, we want to make sure everyone gets taken care of, but you get burnt out. When you’re home with the kids, by the end of the day, you give what you have left to your spouse. I didn’t have much left at the end of the day.”
“He was medically retired from the army unexpectedly and abruptly. I worried about money and housing. He was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder — I focused on the wrong things.
He struggled to find a job — due to loss of identity, I viewed it as ‘laziness.’ He didn’t communicate with me. I got a job, and while giving myself to the job, kids, and what was left to him, I neglected myself. The things I did were never appreciated.
He shit on my salary because his VA check was bigger than my paycheck (even though it wasn’t enough for our family). Resentments were built on both ends, and things spiraled from there.
I did the best that I could with what I had, which, in hindsight, wasn’t much. We went back and forth on the idea of divorce (neither of us actually wanted it or did anything about it). Then, he became distant.
Last year, he told me he was sleeping with someone else. He claims it wasn’t cheating because we agreed to divorce. But nothing was filed, and he was still living at home. He’s still with that woman, and I moved out two months ago.
If I’ve learned anything, it’s to communicate and understand what your spouse is saying and to prioritize yourself. You cannot give your best to anyone if you are not at your best.
—u/That_Bluebird2477
