I’ve been on this planet for 30 years, and I took one anthropology class in college, so I’d say I know a thing or two about something I like to call “the hot girl demographic.”
I’m willing to share my learnings with you, because it’s important to me that people no longer get it twisted. Being a hot girl isn’t just about the physical component. It’s a mindset. It’s a religion. It’s a way of life. According to my academic studies, here are the 16 official hot girl markers:
1.
Tummy issues. Every hot girl either needs to have IBS, IBD, indigestion, acid reflux, period cramps, nausea, or untimely diarrhea on a semi-frequent basis. Beauty is pain, after all.
2.
In the same vein as stomach problems…a Diet Coke addiction! A certified Hot Girlā¢ is nothing without her magical elixir.
3.
A crude sense of humor. If she’s not evoking Samantha Jones, who even is she?!
4.
An anxious-avoidant attachment style. It would be way too easy for a hot girl to just be in a happy, seamless relationship. She needs to obsess over whether the person she’s seeing likes her. That is until their interest is clear, and she gets the ick.
5.
Bullying you when they have a crush on you. Roasting your haircut? Mocking you? Making you question all of your life choices up to that very moment? No worries ā that just means they’re in love!
6.
A short temper. I’d be surprised if you have never been cursed out by a hot girl.
7.
A lack of classic “hobbies” and getting frustrated with men when they inquire about said hobbies. Whoever said binge-watching Love Island while eating $50 worth of Taco Bell isn’t a hobby is sexist.
8.
Back pain. Bad bitches have back pain. That is all.
9.
Washing their hair as infrequently as possible. Those natural oils tho…
10.
Toe hair. Hot girls do NOT wax their toes. And that’s a beautiful thing.
11.
Chipped nails. Hot girls don’t have it in them to maintain a perfect manicure. Sorry, not sorry.
12.
Spending more time on TikTok than Instagram. It’s a safe space.
13.
An obnoxious laugh. If they’re not cackling like a witch or weesnawing like a horse, trust me, you don’t want them.
14.
Having five different group chats running at all times. Hotties can’t be alone with their thoughts.
15.
Taking a sexy stroll in a cutie outfit. Otherwise known as “the hot girl walk.”
16.
And finally, a true crime obsession. Hot girls are nothing if not morbid.
