Even though you become friends with someone doesn’t mean the friendship will last, especially once you realize they actually aren’t a good friend. So we asked the BuzzFeed Community: “What is the smallest behavior that may indicate someone is a bad friend?” and people had THOUGHTS! here’s what they said below.
1.
“I’m usually extremely wary of people who ‘force’ closeness, acting like we’ve been friends for years even though I’ve only met them a few times. The people who say ‘love you!’ after meeting you for the third time, or the ones who rush into gossip (about themselves or others), breaking down your barriers because of their openness and performative vulnerability. Some of them are just outgoing and personable— though I’ll always question how deep a relationship can be if they treat *everyone* like their best friend — but some will discard you the moment they find someone more interesting to play with.”
2.
“The way they treat service people. Also, they don’t return their shopping cart. Sorry, but it just speaks entitlement to me.”
—Demon Copperhead
3.
“If everything is one-sided. If they constantly vent and rely on you when they are going through things but never reciprocate when you are struggling.”
4.
“If they’re always upset at someone. I briefly had a friend who seemed to ghost her friends every other day over some perceived slight. And it wasn’t like she’d eventually bring up what was bothering her; she’d literally not speak to them again. She’d then become ‘best friends’ with a new girl, and the cycle would repeat itself. She was sensitive to the point of being tedious.”
—Glitterycheerios
5.
“I faced a conflict with a friend and told her how the situation made me feel, and she responded with ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ and an explanation without any ownership of her actions. I explained why that phrase is hurtful (both from previous personal experiences and non-apology wise), to which she has yet to respond. Though it cost me a friendship, I stand by my conviction when it comes to non-apologies.”
6.
“They won’t do simple tasks with you like going to the grocery store or watching you do the dishes or fold laundry. There always has to be something ‘planned’ to hang out.”
—shinywalrus55
7.
“Every request to enforce a simple and reasonable boundary is immediately weaponized or interpreted in some weird dystopian way. I told my friend I couldn’t be available to take video calls whenever she felt like calling because of work (and she really was calling four-five times a day for random shit), and I would appreciate it if she let me know first if she was going to be calling (unless it was an emergency), and she didn’t call when she urgently needed help because I told her not to call. Then she spent weeks telling me how she had to handle the emergency on her own, but it’s fine because at least she didn’t disturb me.”
8.
“When they give backhanded compliments. Like ‘That outfit looks so cute on you despite your size.’ Or ‘It looks cute, but are you really going to wear THAT to so-and-so’s birthday party?’ Like they start off with what sounds like a genuine compliment but then they say something about your insecurities at the same time.”
—sleepingknight10
9.
“Someone who cannot take a ‘no’ or ‘no, thank you,’ without a justification, argument, defense, or explanation. Having a friend say no to me for any reason is a *good* thing. It means they trust me to respect their boundaries and make our time together enjoyable.”
10.
“They only hit you up at the last minute to hang out. Maybe they will make plans in advance, but they end up canceling scheduled hangouts for one reason or another quite frequently with the justification that they just hung out with you the other day, or they will hit you up randomly shortly after to make up for it. It will turn into a friendship where they only hang out with you when they are bored, and that will eventually become toxic.”
—Anonymous
11.
“Someone always on their phone when you are talking to them is certainly a subtle sign. I know that many of us are on our phones regularly; however, being on it during a conversation makes it seem you care a little bit more about what is on your phone than what the person in front of you is saying.”
12.
“When you’re going through a rough time, that is common knowledge, and your friend never bothers to check on you.”
—Anonymous
13.
“When they don’t respond to only your messages. They’ll respond in the group chat that you’re in and other people, but when it comes to your messages, it’s ignored… repeatedly. And then, when they do reply, they act like they didn’t just take weeks to respond and then they switch the topic completely.”
Are there other subtle signs that indicate a person will be a bad friend? Tell us what it is and why in the comments below.
